Return of the Crimson Pain
by Angel408
Summary: Sequel to Crimson Betrayal too deep to numb. Its been a year since the Kamiya kids got together. Life's going great for Jesse until one night changes everything. Now who will She lean on? KenXJesse TKxKari
1. Prelude

Welcome to the Sequel of A crimson Betrayal too deep to numb. You probably all thought I died. Ok, Read A crimson Betrayal too deep to numb before reading this one. I made some changes to the other story…probably made it worse but whatever. Cubmon digivolves into Lewmon instead of Lionmon. 

This story takes place a year after Crimson betrayal, K. I hope you like it.

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Jesse, now 15, sat on a rock in the digital world. Cubmon sat nearby. The digital world was peaceful since they defeated . Right now they're trying to rebuild villages that were destroyed by the battle.

"Hey Jess, good to see you came today," Davis yelled coming towards them with the others, "But isn't' it really late?"

"Yeah, but I don't have school tomorrow. If I did, it wouldn't matter anyways I have it all figured out."

"An explanation would be nice," Tai said.

"Ok well I'm suppose to go to bed at 10 pm and wake up at 7 am. Well instead I got to bed at 7 pm wake up at 10 pm come here until 1 am then go back to bed until 7 am. Same amount of sleep but I get to come here."

"Smart, Jess." Kari laughed.

"It works. Well I've already been here for an hour so lets get to work before I have to go."

"Ok, I see you're wearing your work clothes." Mimi stated. Jesse smiled. She was wearing a dusty pair of jeans with a black t-shirt. She also had long arm gloves that hid her scars.

"Are you calling my clothes ugly," Jesse teased.

Cody rolled his eyes, "Come on lets get to work."

They all split up into pairs to work on different things in the village. Ken and Jesse building the frame for the houses, TK and Kari would put on the roof after Yolie and Izzy got done finishing the outer work. It took about fifteen minutes to do one frame since they were small and simple.

"Who taught you how to build houses?" Ken asked. Despite what he thought when he first met her, Jesse wasn't so bad. Especially after she got help for her depression. To this day nobody knew what caused Jesse to go partially comatose, nobody but Jesse of course. Ken could go as far as to say he like Jesse…a lot.

"Oh me and my dad went to Mexico for the summer and built houses down there. It was really fun."

"That's cool."

"Yeah but it meant I wasn't able to take summer soccer lessons."

"Oh you're still in soccer."

"Yep on Varsity this year."

"That's great!"

"You're on varsity as well right?"

"Yep."

After about an hour they were starting on the fifth house. Ken frowned when he noticed Jesse kept shaking her head.

"Are you ok?" Ken asked.

"I guess the digital world is hotter today than I thought it'd be. I'm just a little dizzy."

"Maybe you should take off those gloves. It's almost like wearing a long sleeve shirt." They stopped working. Jesse looked down at the gloves.

"I just…" She stopped and glanced around not looking at Ken directly, "I…I don't like looking at the scars. When I look at them, I hurt. Plus they're really ugly, you don't want to see them."

"If I had to choose between seeing some old scars or watching you have a heat stroke, I'd rather just see you the scars."

"Well we better get back to work we only have 45 minutes left." Jesse stated ignoring Ken's comment. She walked over to pick up a hammer when Ken grabber her arm, gently.

"Just take the gloves off. You can put them back on when the others get closer if it makes you feel better," Jesse bit her lip she really trusted Ken. He was a great friend to have and she didn't want to scare him away. Most of all, she didn't want his pity. Jesse finally nodded and turned away fro him He understood and walked to the other side of the framed building to finish some things up. When Jesse approached him he noticed she kept the part of her arms with the scars firmly at her sides, hiding them from view.

They continued to work. After about 30 minutes, Ken looked over and saw Jesse putting a nail near the top of the frame. You could see the scars on her right arm. He flinched at how painful they looked. Jesse noticed this and immediately put her arms to her sides. Ken let out a sigh and walked over to where Jesse stood. Before she cold protest Ken grabbed her arm and held it out so he could see the scars. Jesse turned her head away.

"I don't pity you," Ken whispered, he could see the surprised look in he ryes, "You did this to yourself therefore I do not pity you." Jesse looked almost relieved. Ken reached out and traced some of the deeper scars with his finger. He could sense Jesse's tenseness and discomfort yet he didn't stop.

"See Jess, I'm not afraid. I'm not going to leave you because you made some mistakes in the past."

"Do you promise?" Jesse asked her voice cracking.

"Promise?" Ken questioned.

"Do you promise never to leave me?"

Ken looked up at her, "I promise…I'll never leave you."

Before he could comprehend what happened he felt Jesse's lips on his. As soon as they were there they were gone. Ken stared at Jesse, her eyes were wide and she was blushing slightly.

"Jess…" Before he could say anything else, Jesse yanked her arm from his grasp and took off running. She put her digivice to the air as she ran and disappeared.

Ken stood there, shocked. Jesse just kissed him, "I like you too, Jess," Ken whispered before leaving to tell the others Jesse went home.

-Jesse's house-

Jesse walked out of her room into the quiet hall. 'I guess they're not back yet,' She thought sadly. Her parents plus Max went to a party for her dad's work. Jesse was going to go as well but didn't when her parents told her that the only other girl her age was who was going, was home sick. She would've gone to hang out with Max but a lot of his friends would be there so he didn't need her.

'It's 12:30 in the morning and I'm not tired, What should I do?' Jesse's thoughts were interrupted by the telephone ringing 'Who the hell calls at this time?"

"Hello?"

"Jesse? This is Marc Beo calling," Marc and Marie were their next door neighbors. He was on the police force so he was always calling to warn them about something "suspicious" in the neighborhood.

"What is it this time, Marc?" Jesse asked. His answer made her drop the phone and fall to her knee's.

"Jesse? Jesse, are you there? I'm sending Marie over." Jesse barely heard him, she was so numb

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This is just a setting up the story for what's going to happen. The more reviews I get the faster I update. 


	2. blood cures all

OK this chapter is going back and forth between flashbacks and "reality" for Jesse.

* * *

"Greetings everyone, this is your captain speaking, our plane will land in Japan in about 10 minutes. The current time is 7:54 a.m. Thank you for flying with us today." 

Jesse sat on the plane with her face complete blank. Only her eyes showed her emotions. Pain, that was the only emotion swirling in her dark eyes. She looked to the left and began to read the front page of a newspaper some guy next to her had. The story has been in the news for the almost week now. She began to read with disgust.

**Fatal Car Crash  
Kills three, injures 2, driver in custody.**

_Three days ago, S.S.J corps head executive was laid to rest after being in a fatal car crash that killed him and others. Tom Toki, Elizabeth Toki and Max Ziarb-Toki were killed 5 days ago as they drove home after a party on Friday August 10th. A drunk driver drove straight into their car. The two companions of the driver now lay in critical condition. Tom and Elizabeth Toki were pronounced dead on the scene. Marx Ziarb-Toki, Tom's step-son, was rushed to the hospital where he died later that night. Tom, Elizabeth and Max are survived by their daughter/step-sister, Jesse Toki, who did not attend the party that night._

Jesse turned her head away from the paper. She couldn't stand to look at it anymore.

**-Flashback-**

Marie approached Jesse, "I'm sorry Jesse."

"You're lying! They're not dead, they're not. We were going to go fishing tomorrow, dad promised, you're lying!" Jesse screamed before letting her hanging her head, "……You're lying…."

"Come on Jesse, You're brother is at the hospital, lets go see him." Marie announced lightly grabbing Jesse's arm and gently leading her out the door.

**-End Flashback-**

The plane landed and everyone boarded off the plane. Jesse walked to where her luggage would be. She sat on a bench waiting for her "mother" to pick her up.

**-Flashback-**

Jesse stood at the front of the church as people walked up to her and hugging her, giving her their sympathy. She refused to turn her head to the three coffins. She looked up as a man approached her with two police men accompanying him.

"I'm sorry for your loss," He said quietly. His eyes drifted to the coffins before looking away, ashamed.

"I'm sorry you're conscience will eat you for the rest of your life," She whispered back. She felt back for saying it, but its was how she felt. She didn't want to be nice to the man who ruined her life.

"I just waited to look at the person who's life I destroyed. I can't take back that night, but I'm really sorry."

"See that boy," Jesse whispered painfully turning to Max's casket, "That's my step-brother. He was my life. He was the one who literally kept me alive." She turned back to the man with cold eyes, "He saved my life, but I couldn't save his. He was only 13 years old. He was so excited to finally be a teenager."

The man apologized again before the police men took him away. Marc walked over and stood next to Jesse. She didn't want him there, she wanted to be alone. For now she was forever alone.

**-End flashback-**

"Jesse! Oh good you're here, How are you?" Sonia asked, approaching Jesse and taking some of her bags. The rest were coming later that week.

"I just lost my family, How do you think I am?" Jesse coldly stated. Sonia looked taken back for a minute.

"I'm sorry, Come on lets get you home."

'I'll never be home again,' Jesse thought sadly as she stared out the window as her mother drove her to the apartment.

"We have a room ready for you. We'll decorate it when the rest of your stuff gets here."

Jesse nodded when she thought was appropriate but didn't really pay attention. She didn't want to go home, or at least home with Sonia. She wanted to be in America, with Max and her parents. Never again will she be at home, never again.

They stopped in the parking lot and proceeded upstairs in silence. Sonia unlocked the door and showed Jesse her room.

"Do you want anything."

"Yeah, I want to be alone." Jesse replied walking into her room and shutting the door. She opened one of her suitcases and pulled out her laptop. She opened up the portal to the digital world and allowed Cubmon to come through. She wrapped her arms around him and cuddled her head into his warm fur. Cubmon sat their in silence as Jesse cried her heart out.

-Outside her room-

Sonia walked around the house nervously. Its been about 12 years since the last time Jesse was in Japan and in their home. 'Oh I hope she likes Yuichi ok.' (A/N: Yuichi is her husband…) Sonia was a nervous wreck as she made their usual healthy dinners. She looked up relieved as Tai and Kari walked into the house. The rest of the Digidestined followed.

"Hey mom, what's wrong?" Kari asked.

"Oh I just hope Jesse likes the dinner I made that's all." Sonia replied.

"Is she here?"

"Yeah I showed her, her room about an hour ago and she hasn't come out yet. I'm really worried but I think she just wants to be alone now."

Tai walked back to where Jesse's room was and knocked softly, "Jess, Hey you want to come out and do something."

"No, just leave me alone," Her voice was hoarse and Tai noticed that. 'She's crying,' He thought. He turned his head to look at Kari who had come up behind him. She looked worried as well. Tai just shrugged and they went into his room.

About twenty minutes later, Tai knocked on Jesse's door again, "Its supper time Jess."

"Give me a minute," Came the quiet reply. Tai walked back into the kitchen where his parents were waiting.

"She'll be here in a minute." They had everything set out and they waited patiently for Jesse to come.

Jesse stood in her room. Her eyes closed in pain. Blood ran down her left arm and she used her right one to put the knife back in her pocket. She put some bandages on her arm, rolled down her sleeves and walked out. She stopped by the table.

"Here Jesse you can sit by Kari." Sonia said. Jesse nodded and sat down. She noticed a man was staring at her. I guess wearing a black hoodie, and dark blue pants wasn't a good idea. She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh Jess, this is my husband, Yuichi."

"Hello Jesse, I hope we can get along," Yuichi said smiling.

Jesse didn't smile, "I hope we will as well." She turned to Sonia, "I am not hungry, Sonia, may I return to my room."

Sonia looked hurt when Jesse didn't call her mom, "don't you want to eat a little."

"I am not hungry." She repeated.

She let out a sigh, "Fine." Jesse nodded and walked back into her room.

"Look how much she changed in a matter of days," Tai said quietly. (A/N remember his parents know about the digital world.)

"You'd change too if you lost mom, dad, and me." Kari replied. Tai nodded in agreement but he still looked worried. Who knows what Jesse would do?

-In Jesse's room-

"You were my lifeline Max, Now that you're gone, what am I going to do now?" Jesse fell to her knee's tears streaming down her face. Cubmon came out from his hiding place and walked over to Jesse.

"I'm still here Jesse, I'm still here." Cubmon whispered stopping in front of her.

"What happens if you leave me."

"I wont Jesse, I wont."

Jesse looked at Cubmon, "But you will, you'll die someday, Everything that is born dies." Jesse smirked, "Everyone that is born dies…including me. Except I seem to be born to die…"

Cubmon looked at Jesse sadly. Somebody had to save her. Fast.

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I'm sorry if the chapter didn't make much sense. I really hope you like it though and I'd really like it if you review. More reviews a faster update! 


	3. Just let me die

Sorry it took so long to update. Schools been a really pain. I'm hoping to update soon but things may change. I'll try really hard though! 

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or the song in this chapter but I do own the character Jesse, and the poem in this chapter I wrote so its mine as well.

* * *

The next morning Jesse woke up numb. She woke up like that every morning it seemed. Since she just got to Japan yesterday Sonia wasn't sending her to school until tomorrow. 'Terrific another day to do nothing but remember how horrible my life is.' She thought angrily. Getting out of bed, Jesse dressed in black baggy pants with strings hanging off them. She put on a dark maroon shirt and walked out of the room.

Sonia stood in the kitchen, she had to go to work in an hour and Jesse still wasn't up yet. She wanted to be home when she got up but it wasn't looking like that was going to happen. Hearing a noise behind her she turned around to see Jesse walking into the room.

"Good morning, Jesse. How did you sleep?" Sonia asked politely.

"Morning, Sonia." Jesse replied ignoring her question.

Sonia frowned but let it go, "So what do you want for breakfast? I have to leave for work in a half hour, Tai and Kari are at school, and Yuichi is at work."

"I'm not hungry." Jesse announced, her voice flat.

"You didn't eat supper last night sweetie, you have to eat something."

"I'll eat later." She turned to walk back into the bathroom to get ready for the day, not that she was looking forward to it, "Oh and don't call me sweetie."

Sonia watched Jesse disappear looking crushed. She was hoping this would be easier than this but of course Jesse loss the most important people in her life, it would not be easy. Hopefully, Tai and Kari could get through to her. Sonia went to get ready for work.

About a half hour later, Jesse sat on her bed staring out the window. How could the sun rise when her own life would never rise again. It wasn't fair. Jesse pulled out a small journal and began to write.

_"Life is cruel and bittersweet  
On my knees I cry and weep  
For a life I wish not to keep  
Just let me die"_

Before she could write anymore, Sonia knocked on the door tell her she was leaving and that Tai and Kari would be home around 2. It was 10 right now. Jesse didn't reply. She wanted until she heard the door slam before going back to the poem she was writing.

_"I want life to pass me by  
Let me lay down with a sigh  
With a tear rolling down my eye  
Just let me die._

_"I don't even have a friend  
Like my family they left me in the end  
For myself I have to fend  
Just let me die."_

Jesse stopped writing. She didn't know how to finish it. Throwing her book across the room she curled up on the bed. Writing use to always help, not anymore. Mom and Dad use to love reading her poems. It was a sign she was getting better. Max use to sit on her bed and even help her write them. She couldn't show them her poems anymore. Hell, she couldn't even visit their graves, anymore.

The silence was beginning to bug her. Silence, that was all her family could hear now. She walked over to the CD player and put in a CD. Green Day played quietly in the room. Jesse looked out into the window and wondered almost like her old self if it was going to snow in Japan like it did in America. Thinking about America only brought a new wave a pain. It was only September in Japan anyways. She walked over to the CD player and switched it to her new favorite song.

_"Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
wake me up when September ends_

"like my fathers come to pass  
seven years has gone so fast  
wake me up when September ends"

Turning the song up loud enough, Jesse walked into the Kitchen and made a bagel. She wasn't really hungry but she decided to eat. She wasn't going to starve to death. Oh no that would not do justice. She had a better way, though starving would be more painful it was also more noticeable more likely to get caught. She wasn't going to get caught, not this time!

_"here comes the rain again  
falling from the stars  
drenched in my pain again  
becoming who we are_

_as my memory rests  
but never forgets what I lost  
wake me up when September ends"_

She sat down and looked at the newspaper. 'At least in Japan I don't have to worry about the news paper talking about her family.' She thought. Hearing a noise Jesse looked around, seeing a cat she relaxed. 'How could I forget they had a cat. I wonder if she like my kitty.' The cat stared at her before hissing and running away. That was great.

__

"summer has come and passed  
the innocent can never last  
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again  
like we did when spring began  
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again  
falling from the stars  
drenched in my pain again  
becoming who we are

as my memory rests  
but never forgets what I lost  
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
wake me up when September ends

like my fathers come to pass  
seven years has gone so fast  
wake me up when September ends  
wake me up when September ends"

The house was quiet once again. Jesse wanted to go look for the cat but apparently that one didn't like her. Her own cat was a pretty black and white one. She was small and quite cute. She'd be coming with the rest of Jesse's stuff, which would be coming sometime today.

Jesse didn't know what else to do. She didn't want to talk to Cubmon right now. She didn't want to answer anymore of his questions. So instead she did what she was best at….She slept.

Jesse woke up to the door slamming and voices talking. Getting up she fixed her hair and walked out of the room silently. Evidently, her stuff came while she was asleep. It was all in the living room except for her cat, she didn't see her. Thecage was open so she guessed they let her out.Tai, Kari, and the others sat in the kitchen eating a snack. It also seemed to be at least 2 o'clock. Four hour nap, oh joy.

"Hey Tai, Can I eat the last of the cake?" Davis asked.

"Please!" Tai announced. Sometimes their mom's cooking wasn't the best.

"Yes!"

"Holy crap Davis, you already ate half a pretzel bag seriously!" Yolie yelled.

"Come on Yolie don't act so surprised, he always eats like that," Jesse said appearing from behind the wall. The others were startled for a moment. Jesse looked almost like she did a year ago when the depression was. Not being in the sun for a week was beginning to make her skin pale once again.

"Hey Jesse, wanna eat something?" Tai asked.

"Sure, I forgot to eat lunch." Jesse replied. Her voice was void of all emotions. It was so….dead.

"Ok, we have some pretzels left." Kari announced, From her spot next to T.K. Jesse looked at them for a moment.

"That will be fine. I didn't know they had pretzels in Japan." Jesse mumbled grabbing a handful and walking back towards the wall, away from the others. She looked at them all but one. Ken, she couldn't look at him, he knew her too well. She was afraid of what he might see.

"Mom got them so you'd feel more at home."

"That's nice, but I'll never feel at home again." She pushed away from the wall and walked back into her room. Everyone looked at each other. Ken got up and walked out of the room. He knocked on Jesse's door and walked in.

Jesse sat on the bed and looked up when Ken walked in.

"Go away Ken I don't want you here."

"I can't go away, I promised I'd never leave you. I intend to keep that promise." Jesse didn't reply. She turned away from him, her face showed anger.

"What's wrong Jesse?"

Jesse turned to Ken in anger, "What do you think is wrong. I just loss my family! Don't you get it, I'll never see my mom, my dad, or Max again! How am I suppose to act!"

Ken touched Jesse's arm, she flinched away, "I know Jess, but don't push us away too. Tai, Kari, they love you and you're hurting them."

"I'm sorry I'm such a failure,"

"JESSE! Listen to me for once. Just give life here a chance. You just might like it."

Jesse looked Ken in the eyes and what he saw there scared him. He saw nothing, nothing except pain, raw deep pain, "How am I suppose to live Ken, when all I lived for is dead. Get out now Ken I don't want to talk anymore."

Ken complied and got out but it hurt him to do that. When he opened the door he wasn't surprised to see the others waiting for him. They looked as heartbroken as he felt.

"We'll just keep trying. This might be over our heads though." Tai whispered as they walked back into the kitchen.

Ken sighed, " I got a feeling if we don't help her nobody else can."

The others just sat in silence. How were they suppose to help someone who didn't want their help.

* * *

The next chapter is going to be the first day of school for Jesse. Since I don't know how Japanese schools work I'm going to do it like we do at my school, so Jesse will have a few classes with Kari. Tai's in his last year of high school so she wont have any classes with him.

From here on the plot will unfold along with Ken and Jesse's relationship Hehe. Make my day and leave a review!


	4. Getting better?

Does anybody know the name of Kari and Tai's cat? It would be really helpful. Thanks for all the reviews here's another chapter.

* * *

Jesse refused to come out of her room again that night. She didn't open the door when anyone came to talk to her. She just wanted to be alone. Not that she was worried or anything but today was the first day in her new school.

"Jesse, Time to get up!" Sonia yelled from the kitchen. Jesse groaned and rolled over. A meowing noise made her open her eyes. A small black cat with white paws and short fur stared at her with glowing green and black eyes. Somebody must've let her into Jesse's room last night.

"Hey Nightmare," She cooed, "How do you like it here?"

Nightmare hissed, probably at the other cat that was in the room as well, but Jesse took it as a sign.

"I agree, what about you demon?" The other cat looked up at her when she heard her name. Demon was a dark gray cat with Black stripes. Her Reddish colored eyes always made it look like she was glaring. Nightmare hissed again, this time demon hissed back.

"Stop it, both of you." Jesse muttered, getting up and pushed Nightmare off her bed. She was slightly confused, not wanting to annoy Sonia too much she too much, she told the Beo's to keep Demon since that had been Max's cat. Nightmare, Demon's older sister, was Jesse's.

After showering and dressing in long black pants and a black net-like shirt with red spider web designs all over it, she walked out to the kitchen. Sonia looked at her but didn't say anything about the clothes.

"You have school today." Was all she said.

"I have to unpack." Jesse shot back as she made some toast.

"You only have school until noon, you can unpack then." Jesse glared at her.

"Fine."

Tai and Kari walked out a few minutes later. After saying good-bye all three of them trekked to school.

"Oh here, Jesse, this letter came for you." Kari announced rummaging through her pockets for a moment.

"Thanks," She mumbled except the letter but not opening it. It was from her the Beo's. She looked up to see a huge building. 'Great a new school,' she thought.

"Hey Kari, Does Ken go to this school?"

Kari smiled, Jesse was talking more so maybe she'd be ok, "No, he has to take the subway in order to visit so its too hard for him to get here everyday."

"Oh." It was silent for a few minutes.

"I let your cats out of their cage yesterday. Did you find them?" Tai asked as they walked to school.

"They were in my room this morning. I'll keep them in my room so you don't have to worry about them."

"Its okay, they looked cute." Kari spoke up. Jesse didn't reply.

"Where's the office, I need my schedule." Jesse asked.

Tai led her to the office while Kari met up with T.K. After talking to the stupid receptionist, who, made sure she could speak Japanese, Jesse had her schedule and was on her way to her first class. The whole class looked up and stared as she walked in. Kari, T.K., Davis, and Yolie were all in the class.

"Oh," The teacher said putting the marker down, "Class we have a new student. This is Jesse Kamiya. She's Kari's sister and is joining us from America. Why don't you say something about yourself?"

"My last name is Toki, not Kamiya." Jesse said with a glare, "I lived in New York for 12 years and loved it."

"Okay," the teacher, Ms. Okito, "Does anyone have any questions for Jesse?" A few hands went up.

"If your last name is Toki how are you related to Kari." A girl asked. Jesse rolled her eyes.

"Our parents are divorced my mother got remarried to a Kamiya. I lived with our dad in the U.S." She refused to elaborate.

"Have you ever tried to commit Suicide?" A boy questioned.

"Yuki!" Ms. Okito exclaimed.

"What? She wears all black like she's depressed."

"Its alright and Yes, I have." Murmurs went through the class.

"Enough class, Jesse you can take a seat next to Kari." Jesse sat down and the group looked at her.

"How's it going so far?" T.K. asked in a whisper.

"The staff here are idiots." Jesse replied not lowering her voice at all. That shut the others up.

She had at least one of the Digidestined in every class for the rest of the day. Every class was the same they asked who she was and annoying questions about herself. At least nobody asked the suicide question again. At noon, just like Sonia had said, school was let out.

The whole group of Digidestined walked home together they were going over to Tai's house again.

"So how was your first day of school, Jesse?" Matt asked.

"It was fine, besides the fact if one more kid asked me what the hell is wrong with me, I'll scream and kill someone." They all looked at her. She offered a small smile, "I was kidding."

"Ok you had me scared for a minute." Davis laughed. Jesse shrugged.

"Is Ken coming over as well?"

"Yeah, he'll be over a little after we get home." Kari answered. Jesse nodded. When the reached the apartment the others flooded around the kitchen while Jesse went to her room. She pulled out the letter she got this morning. Opening it she read silently.

_Dear Jesse,_

_I know you said we could keep Demon but Marc and I decided that he would be better off with you. You need all the companionship you can get. Don't try to forget your family, remember them but please for their sake, live on and move on. They would not want to wallow in the past._

_Your family loves you Jesse, I spoke to Sonia and I know this. They will help you but only if you let them. We will miss you Jesse, please stay in touch._

_Your caring Neighbor,  
Marie_

Jesse folded the letter up and threw it against the wall. What did they know? She picked Demon up, who was sitting on her bed, and brought him outside with her. Ken was standing in the doorway.

"Hey Ken." She whispered, grabbing some of her thing with one hand. Ken looked at her.

"How was school Jess?"

"Why does everyone ask that, It was fine, the people were stupid but whatever. Are you allergic to cats?"

"No." He said confused.

"Good, hold him will ya." She handed Demon over to Ken. Jesse picked up the rest of her stuff. Ken followed her back to her room and put Demon on the bed. Nightmare jumped on the bed as well and hissed.

"Those two will never get along." She muttered setting up the cats necessities.

"Pretty cats, both of them are yours?" Ken asked petting Demon who allowed, Nightmare tried to bite him.

"I guess they are now. Demon belonged to Max, that's why he's so nice. Nightmare, his elder sister, is mine." Jesse said in a matter of fact tone.

"Oh…"

"About yesterday, Ken I'm sorry for what I said. I was upset, I didn't mean to yell. I don't want to discuss it anymore." Ken nodded.

"Come on," He said, "the group is going to the digital world, you want to come."

"Yea!" She said like it was the obvious thing in the world, "I have to finish something I'll be there in a minute."

Ken walked out the door and went into the kitchen. They looked at him, "She's coming." Everyone looked relieved. Jesse was starting to finally come out of her shell.

Jesse stood out of side by the wall. 'idiots,' she thought, 'Dad always told me I should be an actor.' She walked out to the group.

"ok, lets go." She said. They all teleported to the Digital world.

Cubmon came running over to Jesse.

"Hey Jesse, glad to see you're back!" He said smiling.

"Yep, why wouldn't I come back?" she smiled. Cubmon continued to smile but his eyes looked sad. He knew Jesse, better than everyone else. She was still hurting….bad. He looked at the other Digidestined, they were oblivious to her pain.

"So why are we here anyways?" Jesse asked the others after all the Digidestined had arrived.

"We're going to have a picnic." Sora replied. Jesse nodded in understanding.

"Good, I'm hungry." The group sat down to eat. Ken and Jesse sat next to each other.

"Hey Jesse," Ken said quietly, "About last time we were here…"

"Just forget about it," Jesse replied quickly.

"No, I wanted to tell you I like you too." Jesse looked at him. 'LIAR' Her mind was shouting. Instead of saying that Jesse just blushed and asked Mimi about America. Ken let out a sigh.

After they ate, the group played games and talked until it was time to home.

"Mom's probably making dinner, we better go." Tai said. Jesse and Kari agreed. They returned to the human world.

"oh good you're back!" Sonia said as they walked into the kitchen from Tai's room, "dinners ready, sit down, Yuichi will be here soon."

Yuichi walked in as they sat down to eat.

"Hey dad," Tai said as he took his seat. Yuichi smiled, he raised an eyebrow at Jesse, apparently she was eating dinner tonight.

"Here, I found this in our room." He held out his hand revealing Demon.

"Thank you Yuichi. I'm sorry I thought I locked him in my room with Nightmare." Jesse said putting Demon on her lap as she ate.

"its fine, he just startled me." Yuichi replied.

"He's not as scary as Nightmare though. She's a little well…nightmare." They all looked surprised. Not only was Jesse eating but she was chitchatting with Yuichi. It was almost too good to be true.

"I haven't seen Nightmare yet. What does she look like?" Sonia asked.

"Oh Nightmare is my cat. She's black and white." Jesse replied finishing up her dinner.

"Who's cat is Demon?" Sonia asked.

Jesse got quiet and looked at the table, "Demon was Max's. Nightmare and Demon are siblings like we were…" She got up, "I'm not hungry any more."

They walked as she walked out to her room.

"She's getting better though, right?" Kari asked after Jesse left.

"Yeah, she is." Sonia replied.

Jesse pulled the knife away from her skin as blood flowed down her arm. 'I'm getting better,' She thought, 'I'll die and they wont have any time to stop me.'

* * *

I know this chapter kind of jumps around but I'm setting a few thing up. First off, No Jesse isn't all of a sudden happy, she's actually just faking it. Its all part of her plan to die. 


	5. Second thoughts?

One Month! Its been exactly one month since I last updated and sadly after this chapter I probably wont be updating until June. My computer time is being violently cut short due to school work. I barely had time to write this chapter. I apologize and I hope some of my faithful readers will stick around for the next update. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, the plot of this story and the characters not recognized from the series are mine, as well as the poems.

* * *

Jesse sat on the bed, it was about 8:30 at night. A pen in her hand and a piece of paper in front of her. She was writing poetry again.

_Darkness is around me  
The end is drawing near  
Blackness closing in  
I no longer have a need to fear_

She looked out at the blackened sky. The stars looked dull to Jesse though in reality they were a bright as ever. Sonia, and Tai have already bugged her 6 times to come out of her room and join them in family time. How could she enjoy family time when her family wasn't there?

_There are people all around me  
So why do I feel alone  
As if there is nobody close  
I'm all on my own_

She laughed silently, cruelly. From how she acted at dinner they probably thought she was getting better, that she would be okay. They didn't know anything about her if they believed that bull. She was more focused on dieing than ever!

_There is a mask around me  
So no one sees the pain  
I focus on remaining strong  
When I should focus on remaining sane_

_They all think they know me  
and maybe some of them do...  
But there's a difference of who I truly am  
And who I am at school._

School was a joke! 'I can't believe I have to go back there tomorrow. They are so far behind on what I'm studying in school. I know everything we're doing. That's what happened when you're in advanced placement in everything at school in America.' She thought. She looked out at the darkened again.

_Darkness is around me  
and no one will ever have known  
The mask I place around my heart  
Will keep my true self from being shown_

She stopped writing and closed her poem book. She still hasn't finished that last poem she wrote. Maybe it was better off left unfinished. As she hid the poem book under her mattress a knock on the door was heard.

"What?" Jesse asked, trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

"I was wondering if you wanted to play a card game with us." Came Kari's voice this time.

"No, that's fine. I'm tired. I think I'll just go to sleep." Jesse replied, trying to sound nice and agreeable.

"But its only 8:30." Came Kari's reply.

"I'm not stupid I know that. I'm just tired ok? I'm going to sleep now." Jesse couldn't keep the slice out of her voice.

"……..Okay." Kari's defeated voices finally said. Jesse listened until she heard the footsteps fade away. She pulled out her knife and cut along down her arm. She quickly wrapped the arm up in a bandage before falling onto the bed. Closing her eyes she passed out into a dreamless sleep.

**-Next morning-**

Once again all three kids walked to school. This time though they met up with Davis and T.K. midway. As the others talked, Jesse looked around at her surrounding for the first time. Where could she go? She didn't want to commit suicide in Sonia's house, that just wouldn't be right. Something caught her eye.

"Hey Kari, Is that a bridge?" She asked interrupting their conversation. Kari just looked up.

"Yep, its huge. Maybe we could take you to see it later."

"that would be nice, thanks." Kari gave Jesse a smile, which Jesse returned half-heartedly. 'Idiot.' she thought at Kari.

Nobody bugged Jesse at school that day since she tried to blend in by wearing more colorful clothing. After school, the group made their way over to the bridge.

Jesse smiled as she leaned over the edge. It was definitely a long drop till you hit the water below. That made Jesse's smile widen as she leaned a little bit more.

"Careful Jess," Tai called, "The water is freezing right now. Dropping that far, especially into cold water could be trouble."

He didn't know he just gave Jesse the idea she had been looking for, "Don't worry Tai, I'll be careful." He continued to look at her until she inched away from the rail. Kari and T.K. were a few feet away watching Jesse.

"Hey Kari instead of watching me, watch your boyfriend, you guys are inching closer to the edge." Both blushed as they moved away from the edge.

"Shut up Jess." Kari replied as T.K. wrapped an arm around her. Rolling her eyes, Jesse turned away from them. She wasn't exactly sure when they started dating but she knew from the beginning that they liked each other. Just as she was sure Tai liked Sora even though she was dating Matt.

Tai and Davis were talking quietly a few feet away from Jesse. Jesse raised an eyebrow at them. Tai looked at her with a smile.

"Come on Jesse, we have an idea." Everyone followed Tai and Davis until they were at a park. Jesse looked around confused until her eyes landed on a soccer field.

"You told us you have awesome soccer skills well I want to see them. Lets play." Tai said.

"We don't have a ball," Jesse said trying to get out of it.

"No problem," Davis announced pulling one out of his backpack.

"Leave it to Davis to have one," T.K laughed.

"Are you guys playing?" Tai asked.

"No, Me and Kari will be referees." T.K said.

Tai and Davis were on one team and Jesse on the other. Boys against girls tai said though Jesse thinks they just wanted to wipe her butt to save their ego's. They began to play. Like she stated it wasn't exactly fair. They scored 3 goals on her before she could even score one.

As they were about to score another goal something or rather someone blocked it from getting into the goal. Turning Jesse saw Ken standing there with the ball in his hands.

"Your mom said I'd find you at the bridge when you weren't there I decided where Davis is there will be a soccer field and I was right." Ken explained.

"Join the game!" Davis shouted, excited.

"Oh no, we are not doing boys verses girls if its going to be 3 on 1," Jesse announced.

"Its ok, I'll be on your team, Jess." Jesse nodded satisfied. They began the game again this time, since the teams were more fair, Jesse and Ken were able to stop Davis and Tai for a few goals. In the end it was 8-9, Jesse loss.

"That was great!" Kari cheered as they began to walk back home.

"That was awesome," Jesse agreed.

"Aren't you warm Jess?" Tai asked. He was wearing a t-shirt while Jesse was still in a hoodie. Jesse wanted to say yes but then she's have to take the hoodie off and they'd see her cuts.

"Nope, I'm fine." she lied. Tai bought it and didn't ask again. Near Davis's apartment they went their separate ways. Ken went to Davis's.

When they entered the apartment they apologized for being so late and sat down for dinner. Kari and Tai cat came up and hissed at Jesse again.

"What is with that cat?" Sonia asked.

"I don't know." Kari stated.

Jesse glared at the cat, "What's her name?"

"Miko." Kari said. Jesse nodded.

"So what did you do today?" Yuichi asked Jesse.

"We saw the bridge and played Soccer," Jesse replied enthusiastically.

"Well that sounds like fun," Sonia commented.

"It was," Kari put in, "Tai and Davis almost lost to Jesse and Ken."

"It was embarrassing."

"What? That I'm better than you," Jesse teased. Tai glared playfully at her.

"Ok kids enough," Sonia said stopping them.

After dinner, Jesse retired to her room. She barely got in when Sonia appeared telling her she had a phone call.

"Hey Jess," A warm voice said.

"Ken?"

"Yep, I'm at Davis's and we're bored so I thought I'd call."

"Oh, Okay. Is Davis giving you shit about losing today?" Jesse asked, amused.

"Its Davis what else would he do?" Ken replied. Jesse heard a 'Hey' from background. She rolled her eyes.

"So did you have fun today?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Yeah of course." She replied, surprised at the honesty in her voice. She eyes widened, she was getting use to being here….how would she be able to die if she felt guilty about it.

"Hey Ken I have to go I'll talk to you soon."

"Ok bye."

"Bye-" she was about to hang on.

"Wait Jess?"

"Yes."

"Will you do me a favor?"

"sure, what?"

"if you ever feel alone, or you feel life is too hard, Call me, ok? I really do like you and if anything bad happened to you…"

"Ok don't worry. I'll talk to you later." She hung up. She returned the phone to the kitchen.

'Too bad Ken, its too late. My pending death is already planned. The bridge will be perfect. The sooner the better, I'm beginning to think twice.' she thought laying on the bed stroking Demon as she thought.

* * *

What did you think? Good bad...Even though i'm not going to update for a while a few reviews would really make my day! 


	6. Set into motion

I'm Alive! And School is out! Time for some major updating. I completely changed what i was doing midway through the chapter so if it doesn't make sense 'cause i forgot to go back and fix something please tell me!

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon but the poem in this chapter is mine!

* * *

Jesse woke up the one morning to a bird singing outside her window. 'Damn birds.' She thought groggily. She looked out the window, the sun was already rising. Turning to the clock she noticed the time, '7:30' She thought, 'Damn why am I always up early on the days there's no school.' Jesse opened her door and walked out into the living room. Nobody else was up so she just sat down on the couch and watched some TV. A few minutes later Demon and Nightmare came out of the room and curled up with her. 

"I must of forgot to shut my door," she mumbled stroking the cats. She's been her for a month now. She acted all happy and ok, but in reality she still wasn't. Her plotting has never stopped, and neither has her poetry.

"Oh sure when I try to touch Nightmare she bites." A voice said from behind her. She jumped and turned to see Tai and Yoichi.

"She only likes me…What are you doing up?"

"We could ask you the same question. I have a soccer tournament this morning and dad has to work." Tai answered.

"Oh. I just couldn't sleep. I might go and take a walk."

"Leave a note for Sonia." Yoichi warned her.

"I will."

"Well see you later." They said as they walked out the door. Jesse waved good bye. Having something to do now, Jesse got up and put on a pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. Leaving a note she walked out the door. Jesse shut the door just as the cat, Miko, tried to escape. Shaking her head, Jesse made her way out the apartment and onto the street.

She walked for a while and found herself on the bridge. Staring down at the water she thought, 'soon, not yet, but soon.' She leaned over the rail more to see exactly what was down there.

"Jesse!" A voice shouted. Jesse started and accidentally lost her footing making her lean over further. A pair of arms wrapped around her and pulled her back. Jesse turned to see Ken sitting next her on the side of the bridge.

"What were you doing?" He asked.

Jesse took a shaky breath, "I came here to think. I was looking at the water and got a little too close. Then you startled me…."

"Sorry."

"Its fine," she smiled lightly at Ken, "What are you doing here?"

Ken blushed a little, "I was coming to see you when I saw someone a little too close to the side of the bridge."

"I wasn't that close, was I?"

"Close to falling. The water is already cold and its only getting colder. 5 minutes in that water and it could cause some serious problems." Ken explained.

"Oh. Wait, you were coming to see me? What time is it? It was only 7:45 when I left."

"Its 10:30."

"Crap! Sonia probably worried. Come on!" Jesse stood up. She didn't know why she was worried about Sonia but she was. Grabbing Ken's hand she ran down the bridge. Ken sped up so he could run next to her. Jesse turned her head and smiled at him. Ken smiled back.

Jesse slowed down as they reached the apartment. She stopped outside the door. Ken looked at her, oddly. She gave him a weak smile.

"I don't have a key." She said sheepishly. Ken laughed at her and knocked on the door. A moment later, Sonia answered.

"Jesse doesn't have a key." Ken laughed. Sonia shook her head.

"Thanks Ken." Jesse said as they walked inside. Ken shrugged. Kari was sitting on the couch, trying to play with Demon, and Nightmare. Neither would come near her. Nightmare's head shot up when they closed the door. Sprinting, she climbed up Jesse's arm.

"Hi there Nightmare." Jesse cooed. Demon waltzed over and rubbed against Ken's leg. Bending down, Ken picked up the other cat.

"Why don't they like me?" Kari asked, walking over to greet Ken.

"You smell like that other cat, Miko." Jesse answered. Kari frowned but didn't comment.

"So what are you guys doing today?" Ken asked.

"T.K and I are going to go get some ice cream, want to come with?" Kari asked, just as the someone knocked on the door, "There's T.K. now."

"T.K won't mind?" Jesse asked.

"No, It could be a double date." Kari replied as both Jesse and Ken blushed.

"Okay." Ken said, glancing at Jesse, who shrugged.

"Great lets go!" Grabbing T.K's hand Kari skipped out of the house, Ken and Jesse behind them.

"They grow up so fast," Sonia told the cats, who just hissed.

"Have enough Ice cream toppings?" Kari asked as they sat down. Jesse frowned as she looked at her ice cream. Vanilla ice cream with chocolate fudge and caramel, sprinkles, whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry. Jesse took a bite of the ice cream.

"Its good!" She said defensively.

"Especially since she's not paying for it." Ken teased, eating his chocolate Sunday. Kari and T.K laughed at her.

"Shut up. What the hell are you eating, T.K?"

"Ice cream." he replied.

"With gummy bears, and worms. Whipped cream and chocolate chips. Something is not right." They all laughed again as T.K glared playfully at Jesse.

"Ok you two you're both crazy." Kari announced.

"I resent that." Jesse replied. Ken shook his head as the sister bickered back and forth. He watched Jesse carefully. She seemed happy, but there was still something off, something bad.

Jesse turned to Ken and smiled, "What? You're staring."

Ken snapped out of it, "Was I? Sorry." Jesse rolled her eyes.

"Come on." She said to Ken, grabbing his hand, "See ya guys later." She waved good-bye to T.K and Kari.

"Where are we going?" Ken finally asked a few minutes later.

"To the park." Jesse replied.

"Why?"

"How did Davis put this….? Oh yea…We're gunna play some soccer!" She announced imitating Davis. Ken laughed.

"You have a ball?"

"Davis left his here last time. I was kind of hoping it was still here…" Jesse said meekly even though its been a week since they last played. Ken rolled his eyes. They approached the soccer field and sure enough a ball sat near one of the goals.

Picking it up Jesse walked to the middle of the field, "Game on." she yelled once Ken joined her. They played for a good hour before Jesse finally collapsed. Ken sat down beside her.

"I can't believe you beat me," she groaned.

"Why is that?" He teased.

"I am soooo better than you."

"Apparently not."

They got quiet for awhile. Both just sat there in their own thoughts. Finally, Ken turned to face Jesse, who was looking at the clouds.

"Hey Jess…" He started quietly.

Turning to face him she asked, "yea?"

"You never said anything to what I told you in the digital world. I was being serious, I like you. A lot. I just thought you wanted to know."

"I like you too. I just didn't say anything else about it because well, first I lived way too far away and they say long distance relationships barely every work. Then when I moved here, I just didn't want to start anything."

"Why?"

'Because I'm going to die,' She thought, 'Because I'm going to jump off a bridge into ice cold water in order to forever get rid of this pain that haunts me.' She didn't answer with any of those, "Because….I just needed some time."

Ken leaned over and kissed Jesse softly. Jesse almost smiled as she kissed him back. Ken pulled away first, "Still need time." he asked, breathlessly.

"Yes." She whispered. Ken sighed.

"Jesse," Ken said grabbing her arm. Jesse hissed in pain. She forgot to wrap her arms up this morning. You'd think after so many years she'd learn! She tore her arm away from him and held it to her chest. It was probably bleeding now, "Jess….What happened to your arm?" He asked sternly.

She didn't answer. She knew he'd know if it was a lie. She looked away from him. Gently, Ken grabbed her arm again and though Jesse tried to pull it away he pushed up her sleeve. Gasping, he dropped her hand.

"What have you done, Jesse? Is this why you're always wearing long sleeves again? I thought you stopped, what the hell were you thinking?" Ken half-shouted at her.

Jesse flinched, "I did stop, Ok? When I first got you, I was so sad, so hateful I couldn't help myself, but I've stopped." She quickly rolled down her sleeve, but not before Ken could see some way to new cuts on her arms.

"Jesse, I thought-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Ken!" She yelled as she stood up and took off running.

"Jesse!" Ken shouted as he watched Jesse run off. After a minute of debating he took out his cell phone and called Kari, hoping she was home.

"Moshi moshi," Kari answered.

"Kari, its Ken. We have a problem."

"What?"

"She started again, Kari, She's cutting."

Jesse opened up the apartment door just as Kari hung up the phone. Jesse looked around the apartment, "Where is everyone?"

"Mom and Dad went out for the night. Tai's in his room." Kari replied, staring at Jesse in disbelief.

"Oh…okay. I'll be in my room if you need me." Jesse started to walk away.

"Actually Jesse, I was hoping you'd stay out here tonight, you're always in your room."

"I like my room."

"Yeah but I thought-"

"Ken called you didn't he. I can't believe you believed him. I told him that was only at the beginning I've stopped now!" Tai came out of his room when he heard the yelling, " I can't believe you don't trust me." 'Not that you have the right to' She thought before storming into her bedroom and locking the door.

"What did I miss?" Tai asked staring at Kari. Kari told him about Ken's call. Tai looked dumbfounded.

Jesse laid on her bed. 'Damn it,' she thought, 'I left the cats out there.' Pulling out her notebook she began to write.

_They're nothing but jokes  
But they're tearing me apart  
I'm losing my emotions  
It's killing my heart _

The tears start coming  
For no reason at all  
I sit there quietly  
As they fall

Jesse started to cry as she wrote this. Angry, she pulled out a knife and quickly cut along the side of her arm. Disgusted with herself, she chucked the knife across the room, and returned to the poem, letting the blood run.

_I hate these tears  
I'll make them go away  
By causing myself pain  
It'll keep them at bay _

A knife dig into my flesh  
As the tears slowly calm  
I pull the knife out  
To see blood dripping down my palm

For some reason, the blood fascinated her. She watched as it made its way towards the paper. She stopped it as soon as a drop fell on the white sheet.

_The tears are gone  
But the pain is still there  
I don't think people notice  
Or maybe they don't care _

Even though it cause's blood  
It will soon stop  
Only way to keep from crying  
Is to keep my mask on top

Tears are a weakness  
So I have to keep them away  
The devastate will then disappear  
But my heart forever aches where the pain will lay

Just as she closed the book a knock was heard at the door. Quickly, Jesse shoved it under her bed.

"Jesse," Came Kari's voice, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, do you want to talk about it? We won't tell mom and dad, we just want to understand."

"You won't understand!" She replied through the door, "You didn't lose your parents."

"We lost our father, remember. He was our dad, too." Tai said.

"Not really." Jesse retorted, "You guys have Yoichi."

"We just want to talk." Kari tried again ignoring the last comment.

"Don't worry about it. You won't have to worry about me anymore. I'm done cutting. I've stopped." Sighing in defeat, they walked away. Its true, Jesse was now done cutting, only because tomorrow, since they didn't have school her plan was going into motion.

* * *

Good chapter, bad chapter, review! 


	7. I just wanna Jump

This is the second to last chapter, I know its not as long as the last story but that's just way it wanted to be written. I'll try to update really soon so you can read the last chapter. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, Any characters not from Digimon are mine as well as the plot. The poems are also mine, I wrote them! If you want to use a poem ask. I don't know why anyone would but on one of my other stories somebody asked. I also don't own the song by three days grace.

On with the story!

* * *

Jesse woke up the next morning, cringing at the light that came into her room. At least it was nice out after last nights rain. She got up and noticed blood on her bed. 'Damn it I forgot to wrap my arm up last night.' She thought, angrily. She really couldn't do anything right. She looked at the time, it was 10:45 in the morning. If she remembered correctly, Sonia and Yoichi left for some work picnic of Yoichi's.

She turned on her CD player and walked out of the room. Kari and Tai sat on the couch talking but she didn't care. Music came blasting from her room, the right volume for the kitchen. Kari and Tai raised an eyebrow at her choice of music. Jesse started to sing along as she made Bagels ignoring her siblings.

_"I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself"_

_"So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal, this animal)"_

She turned to see her sibling staring. She knew they wanted to talk. She didn't.

_"I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)  
So many times I've lied  
(So many times I've lied)  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself"_

"So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal"

Kari got up from the couch and went into Jesse's room. Jesse knew what she was going to do, she didn't try to stop her

_"Somebody help me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
I can't escape this hell…"  
_  
Kari turned off the song. Jesse sighed. Even though she knew Kari was going to do it, it still pissed her off.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Jesse growled.

"We need to talk." Kari announced, walking towards Jesse.

"Why would I want to talk to you? You don't believe me." Jesse reasoned, well not really reasoned since they were right in not believing her.

"Do you still cut? The truth, Jess." Tai asked, sternly.

"I've stopped." Jesse stated firmly, "I promise." she added.

Tai stared her in the eye for a moment. He finally nodded his head. Jesse smiled. 'They're too trusting.'

Kari walked over and hugged Jesse, "You're our sister and we're worried about you. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"Don't worry about it. You were afraid of what I was doing. I guess I just overreacted." she didn't know why but she wanted to make peace with her siblings before leaving. Maybe it was a death thing. Jesse turned and headed towards her room.

"Where are you going?" Kari asked.

"To my room, I have to feed the cats and so on." Jesse fibbed returning to her room. She closed her door, as she looked around her room. It still wasn't hers. She never changed it, painted it, or put up any personal items. Why bother? It would just be more for the others to take care of. She walked towards her window.

"Soon.." she whispered, "I'll see you again soon, Max. Mom, Dad I'll be home with you as well. Today in fact." Her cell rang interrupting her one-sided conversation.

"Moshi Moshi" She answered.

"……Jesse?" a timid voice questioned. Jesse sighed, It was Ken.

"What do you want, Ken?" She said with slight venom in her voice. She could almost see Ken wince.

"I wanted to apologize, Jess. I didn't mean to upset you. I was worried about you. As I said before I really like you."

Jesse bit her lip, "I really like you, too." She stated before realizing what she said.

"Do you want to see a movie?" Ken asked, hoping to make things between them alright again.

Jesse thought about it. How was she suppose to jump off a bridge if she was busy with Ken? That's it. The perfect excuse to get out of the house without Kari and Tai's suspicious.

"Sure, what time?" Jesse asked trying to put excitement in her voice.

"How about we meet at the park at 3, the movie starts at 3:30" Ken suggested.

"Sure…were you planning this?" Jesse asked in mock suspicion.

"hehe…Yeah sort of. I was hoping you'd say Yes." Ken replied. Jesse chuckled, then realized what she was doing. 'No, I'm not going to the movies, remember,' she chide herself.

"Well," She said a little loud so Tai and Kari could hear if they were nearby, "I'll see you at the movies."

She hung up with Ken and sat down on the bed. She'll leave at two telling Kari and Tai she's going to the movies. They won't be suspicious. By the time Ken realizes she's not coming, she'll be gone….gone for good. It was the perfect plan.

Demon and Nightmare jumped up onto her bed, when they got back into the room she had no clue.

"Come on lets feed ya, no matter what I plan I can't neglect you two." She muttered as she fed them, cleaned the litter box and basically pampered them for awhile. She pulled out her poem book and decided to finally finish that poem.

_"Life is cruel and bittersweet  
On my knees I cry and weep  
For a life I wish not to keep  
Just let me die"_

_"I want life to pass me by  
Let me lay down with a sigh  
With a tear rolling down my eye  
Just let me die."_

_"I don't even have a friend  
Like my family they left me in the end  
For myself I have to fend  
Just let me die."_

She didn't know what to write so she let her pen just write without thinking. When she looked down she threw the book across the room that is not what she wanted for the ending. 'It isn't true,' She thought trying to make herself believe it as well.

Awhile later, she left her room and went back into kitchen. Kari looked up at her.

"Hey Jess, what were you doing?" She asked curiously.

"Pampering the cats, I've been neglecting them lately. I felt sort of bad." Jesse replied, grabbing a handful of chips Tai was eating.

"Hey those are mine!" He complained.

"You want them, come get them." Jesse challenged running away. She stopped at the couch and turned to see if Tai was coming or not. She turned and was tackled to the couch.

"HA!" Tai shouted grabbing back some of the chips before Jesse ate them.

"You're pathetic." Jesse announced jokingly getting off the couch. Tai rolled his eyes and stuffed the food into his mouth.

"That's disgusting."

"Eww...Tai, you eat like a pig." Kari said agreeing.

"Well more like a duck, pigs tend to chew their food. Ducks don't."

"Hey!" Tai yelled insulted. Jesse stuck her tongue out at them. Kari just laughed, this is what she wanted, them acting like family, being a family. Kari shook her head and Tai and Jesse continued to insult each other back and forth.

Jesse finally stopped and looked at the clock, 2:05 pm, "Hey I have to go. Ken and I are going to the movies and I'm meeting him at the park."

Kari smiled, "Ok see you later."

"Behave and don't stay out too late." Tai said in his big brother tone.

"Whatever Tai." Jesse said as she walked out the door. Miko ran after her and managed to get out the door this time without anyone noticing. Tai and Kari sat there for a few minutes before the phone rang.

"Moshi Moshi," Kari answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey Kari its Ken. I tried Jesse's cell but she wouldn't answer. Can you tell her the movie starts at 2:30 instead of 3:30 so I want to meet her at the park now if that's possible."

"She already left…" Kari replied alittle worried.

"What? We were meeting at the park at three, why would she leave an hour early?" Ken wondered as dread entered his system.

"I don't know. I'm going to find her."

"I'm going to the park. Then I'll help if she's not there."

"Ok bye." Tai looked at Kari curiously.

"She lied." Kari said before telling him what Ken said.

Jesse walked to the bridge. She had about 35 minutes before meeting Ken and probably 10 minutes before he gets worried after that. She, once again, leaned over the bridge and looked. This time Ken won't be here to save her if she slipped….or jumped.

She stood up on the rail and looked down at the murky cold water.

* * *

End of chapter….Just kidding I could never do that to you…Or could I….?

* * *

"So this is how it ends," she wonders out loud.

"Jesse don't," Ken said from behind her. Jesse turned to head to see Ken running towards her.

"Stay away Ken. I have to do this. I want to be with them." She cried.

"Are you sure that's what they'd want? Would Max want you to die after he helped save you? Do you really want to die or are you trying to make yourself believe that as well? You have a family Jess, and you fit into it fine. They love you and I know you love them. You don't have to forget about your other family and you're not betraying them, but you have to push forward for them……and for me. I love you."

A tear fell from Jesse's eye, "I love you too. Its just so hard and I don't think I'm strong enough."

"That's why you have your family. And you have me. Let us help you." Ken pleaded.

More tears fell. The doubt Jesse had in her mind finally took over, "Okay." She began to turn around to get off the bridge.

"Let me help you." Ken said moving forward. Before he could reach her, Jesse slipped on the bar and fell towards the side with the water. Ken ran to the side of the bridge and reached his hand out to grab Jesse's…..

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Sorry another Cliffy. I already have the ending all planned out. Will Jesse die or live? Aren't you curious. Review Please! 


	8. Another Sucky ending

smiles evilly I got a flame I got a flame YAY! I get to make s'mores again. I live off of s'mores. rolls eyes. I don't believe this story is total pointless angst, there is more to it then that. (I admit there's a lot of angst) I put romance and some humor in it for fun as well. But whatever to each their own I suppose. Here's the final chapter to 'Return of the Crimson Pain.' I highly doubt there will be another one. Highly as in….no chance ha. Not that anyone cares.

* * *

A group of kids stood in front of a grave. Nobody spoke for nobody knew what to say. 13 kids looked a little odd as they stood silently with the dead of this cemetery. Maybe they looked odd because there was no adults with them or maybe because of the size of the group either way it looked weird. At the head of the group stood a girl with a brown hair and a camera around her neck.

"Why did you have to die?" Kari asked the grave quietly. The rest of the group stood their respectfully though they really wanted to leave.

Tai approached Kari and slung an arm around her, "Its ok Kari don't cry."

"Its not ok. She was a good friend. The house is going to be so different without her." Kari's eyes teared up as she spoke. Somebody let out a bored sigh. A smack was followed.

"Be nice." Ken growled from the back of the group, annoyed with the person standing next to him.

"I'm sooo bored though." A voice whined.

Kari turned and glared, "We are having a personal funeral service here. Can't you be a little sympathetic."

"Oh please do continue, but its been 3 months get over it."

Kari didn't reply she just turned back to the grave and put a rose down on the soft dirt. She stood back and looked.

"Still bored."

"Who asked you to come?" Tai muttered.

"Kari."

"That was a mistake." Ken laughed lightly.

"Can't you be a little more sympathetic since you're the one who killed her." Kari said glaring.

"I killed, Oh no, you can not blame me."

"She's right, Kari, you can't blame her for Miko's death." Tai suggested.

"Yes I can she left the door open. You never liked her anyways, did you Jesse?"

"Oh yes Kari I purposely killed your cat. Maybe you should have taught her not to play in traffic." Jesse shot back annoyed, "Who has a funeral service for a cat?" (A/N: My aunt)

"A lot of people." Kari said, "People who loved their animals. You'd have a service to if Demon or Nightmare died."

"Yea right. I wouldn't even bury them in a cemetery, why is there a cemetery for pets!" Jesse looked around her, "When they die its down the toilet for them…wait that's fish. Never mind. I don't know what I'd do with them."

Ken sighed and grabbed Jesse's hand, "Let it go Jess." Jesse frowned and she looked down at her hand now intertwined with Kens before looking back at him. Its been three months since she tried to jump off the bridge.

**-Flashback-**

"Let me help you." Ken said moving forward. Before he could reach her, Jesse slipped on the bar and fell towards the side with the water. Ken ran to the side of the bridge and reached his hand out to grab Jesse's. Jesse hit her head against the bridge from the force of Ken grabbing her. He caught her hand and started to fall with her. They both would have ended up falling if Kari and Tai didn't show up just then and grab Ken.

They all sat against the wall of the bridge. Jesse looked down. Tai kneeled down in front of her.

"Jesse…" he whispered. Jesse looked up.

Smack!

Jesse's eyes widened when Tai slapped her across the cheek.

"Don't you ever even think about doing something like that again. You had a worried sick!" Jesse looked at him for a minute. Her head hurt real bad and she had trouble processing what Tai was saying.

"Jesse are you okay?" Ken asked noticing her dazed look.

"………No…" She murmured before fainting from blood loss.

**-End Flashback-**

She woke up in the hospital with angry adults staring at her. Like that wasn't a familiar scene. She shook her head to snap out of the haze she was in.

"You ok?" Ken asked as they were finally able to walk out of the cemetery. Kari asked them to come and as her friends they all did. All of the Digidestined showed up. How stupid….was Jesse's thought. She only came so she could get out of the apartment and away from her 'parents' constant watchful eyes.

"I'm fine. Just thinking." Jesse replied.

"Oh then we know something is wrong." Davis laughed walking next to them. Jesse rolled his eyes.

"Once again Davis you have gotten me and you confused." Jesse said, walking on ahead before Davis realized he had been insulted, "5, 4, 3, 2,1..." Jesse muttered.

"Hey!"

"There we go." Jesse mumbled before saying goodbye to some of the group. People obviously had better things to do now. All that was left was Davis, Ken, Kari, TK and Jesse. Tai left to help Sonia with something.

"So what do you want to do now?" Davis asked folding his arms behind his head.

"Jesse had to go to the shrink." T.K replied laughing at Jesse.

"Damn it don't remind me," Jesse growled annoyed. Her therapist was like the one in America….stupid!

"Yea we'll drop you off and pick you up in an hour." Kari said when they were in front of the hospital.

"Can I scare her?" Jesse asked looking at the building with a frown.

"Go ahead. Mom's just making you go so the doctors stop frowning at her and thinking of her as a horrible mother." Kari replied.

"Excellent." Jesse announced walking into the hospital.

"If she scares her too bad, she'll have to go longer." Ken said looking at Kari.

Kari shrugged, "Not my problem." Ken shook his head.

**-In the hospital-** (A/N I'm purposely making her stupid, I don't think she's too stupid. No offense to anyone who is a therapist/psychiatrist or anything like it.)

"Jesse come in." A lady with brown hair pulled up into a bun said after 5 minutes of sitting here. Jesse got up and walked into a small room. She sat on the couch.

"How are you feeling today, Jesse." the lady asked nicely.

Jesse blinked, "I was fine until I realized I had to come here, Ms. Valerius."

Ms. Valerius sighed, "That anger will not do." she commented. Jesse rolled her eyes. So she had anger now…what she was just being truthful.

"We're going to do a little exercise now." Ms. Valerius announced in a calm voice.

"Do I have to get up?" Jesse wondered out loud.

"No. I'm going to hold up a piece of paper with an inkblot on it tell me what you see."

"Ok…"

Ms. Valerius started holding up different piece of paper.

"Ink blot….Ink blot…Ink blot…"

"Jesse, If you do not take this seriously how am I suppose to help you." Ms. Valerius said.

Jesse sighed, 'You aren't helping me,' she thought but said, "Fine…I see fire….fire….squished bug….piece of ABC gum." Ms. Valerius sighed.

"Ok enough of this exercise. I'm going to say a word tell me what you think."

"Fine."

"Death." Ms. Valerius started.

"Miko."

"Car."

"Red"

"Mother." Ms. Valerius tried.

"Food."

"Table."

"Chair."

"Knife."

"Copper."

"Ok that was….interesting…lets move on."

The whole rest of the session went like that. Finally the hour was up and Jesse could get her ass out of there. When she walked out of the hospital Ken was waiting for her.

"I thought Kari was coming to get me?" Jesse said when she was in hearing range of Ken.

"I asked if I could come instead." Ken replied walking with Jesse, they were heading towards the park.

"How was therapy?" Ken asked.

"I'm waiting for her to deem me insane but that hasn't happened yet." Jesse said truthfully. Ken laughed and shook his head. Jesse just shrugged. When he finally stopped laughing, he grabbed her hand. Jesse smiled as they walked.

"Are you happy?" Ken asked her as they walked down the paths in the park, Ken released Jesse's hand.

"Yeah, I think I am." She answered smiling. She walked over to Ken and looked at him.

"What?"

Jesse wrapped her arms around Ken's neck, "I don't know how you put up with me." She whispered.

Ken hugged her, his arms tightening around her, "Its what some people do for love." He whispered back. He pulled back far enough so he could see her face and give her a gentle kiss. Jesse kissed him back pouring love into it. They pulled back and smiled again at one another.

"I love you." She said as they continued to walk.

"And I love you."

"We're even." Jesse smirked. Ken just laughed. He walked Jesse home before stealing one more kiss then letting her go inside. Jesse walked in the house.

"How was the shrink?" A voice in the living room asked.

"Davis why don't you go home!" Jesse growled.

"I'm having too much fun." Jesse groaned. She continued until she was in her room. She stood there looking at all the pictures on her wall. She had finally unpacked to stay. She picked up Demon and placed him on the bed.

"Now where's Nightmare," She wondered. She found Nightmare trying to claw at a piece of paper taped to the wall, "Oh no you don't." She said picking her up and placing her next to Demon. She turned back to the paper and read the poem she had finished before she tried to commit suicide. The one she finally has accepted.

_"Life is cruel and bittersweet_  
_ On my knees I cry and weep  
For a life I wish not to keep  
Just let me die"_

_"I want life to pass me by  
Let me lay down with a sigh  
With a tear rolling down my eye  
Just let me die."_

_"I don't even have a friend  
Like my family they left me in the end  
For myself I have to fend  
Just let me die."_

_"He came back to me again  
For he is my only true friend  
He will protect me until the very end  
I don't wanna die."

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_

The story is finally over. Jesse lived and Miko died….if you read the last chapter she got out when Jesse left to go jump off a bridge. I know the chapter was pointless, but I had to end it someway.

I hope you enjoyed the story and it would be nice to please leave a review.


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